| Escaping
an abusive relationship
An
abusive dating relationship is like quicksand—easy to get into,
but very difficult to escape. The abuser has systematically dismantled the
two things you need most to break free—a sense of self-worth and
a social support structure.
The
resulting sense of alienation and worthlessness is made worse
by embarrassment. One of the abuser’s most vicious lies is that
the shortcomings in the relationship are entirely your fault. If you believe the lie, you will imagine yourself
approaching friends and family as a failure in what you have been
treating as the most important relationship in your life. This will be particularly painful if you have
persisted in the relationship against their advice. Nevertheless, your best course will be to swallow
your pride and seek support from family and friends.
An
alternative to approaching friends and family members is to call
upon the support of another trusted adult—a relative, teacher
or counselor, perhaps. Since finding such a supporter under the pressure of a dating abuse
situation could be difficult.
You should establish such a relationship in advance.
If
you run the risk of encountering the abuser at school, avoid deserted
areas, travel to and from school with friends. Screen your phone
calls.
If
your abuser has been violent toward you, or you believe he could
be, stay with a friend or go to a women’s shelter.
You should also inform police of your concerns and seek
a restraining order.
Whether
you stay at home or elsewhere, make sure your parents know the
situation, particularly if he is in the habit of visiting your
home.
If
you feel you are in danger and have no one to turn to, contact
a local battered women’s program, or call one of several national
hotlines dedicated to helping teens in trouble:
- National
Domestic Violence Hotline: Manned 24/7. 1-800-799-7233
- National
Center for Victims of Crime Helpline: 1-800-394-2255 Support
in English, Spanish and 180 other languages
- Girls
and Boys Town Hotline: Manned 24/7. 1-800-448-3000 (TDD
1-800-448-1833)
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